Baby's breath and baby pink roses.

feeling romantic last night, A surprised me with a bouquet of 3 baby pink roses with baby's breath.

My head is full of colors.

ironically. had been sitting on my bum for days the past week, waiting for inspiration. and because the doctor told me i will have to stop painting, for at least 3 and a half months, it's so frustrating because the colors now start coming to my head. it's sheer torture!

Surreal.

there i was, after the appointment with dr. alfiler, still taking in the unreality of it all. thought i would text A, to inform him that i was fine (was rather disappointed he'd not thought of texting me himself) and that he will have to come with me on the next appointment. he texted back, and he said he was happy (happy?) and he told me to take care of myself (okay.).

it was so anticlimactic. i didn't know how to react. i began to miss my husband. at least four women back in the clinic had their husbands with them. wish A'd gone with me. but i was the one who didn't want him to go, in the first place.

what if it turns out to be a dud?

had lunch in a pasta place in front of UA&P, all the other places were crowded and i was unsure of what i can eat and what i felt like eating. i ruled out rufo's because of the fat and the possible sodium nitrate in the tapa, henlin because of the msg, inasal sa dalan because of the carcinogens in the barbecued chicken, and all the rest because they simply seemed uninteresting. the choice narrowed down to the pasta place not because i felt like having pasta--i did not feel like eating anything but i felt really hungry--but only because only two of the tables were occupied. i thought i might give them business.

as i sat in the restaurant waiting for my pasta putanesca, i texted A some more. i figured he might have been busy driving. but he would answer only in very short, economical messages, and mostly it was to tell me to take care of myself (of course!). i asked him if we should start telling people already, and he said it might just be too early yet, better to wait for the ultrasound. i agreed, and then i was just overcome with the need to hear his voice, so i finally called him.

he sounded distracted. i asked, where are you, and he said he was at mang danny's ( a carinderia in project 4), having lunch. oh, i said. it figures. talk to you later, then , i said, then hung up.

my tummy began having these little spasms again. it was like i was having my ovulation mittelsmerch all over instead of just in one place. i rubbed my palm on my tummy to soothe the pain and perhaps, somehow, to assure the embryo that the food was already coming. no wonder pregnant women alsways did that. i realized it really seemed natural and inevitable that one will do that.

***

as i reach my car in the parking lot, my phone rings. it's A. he delivers this long speech how he'd worried about me all morning and how he loves me so much. of course, he'll go with me on the next appointment, in fact he'd wondered if he should have gone that morning. but i reminded him, just to reassure him, that i didn't want him to go, and that it was my decision to go alone. i told him i was alright, and of course i will take very good care of myself and the baby. told him, too, i was going to go to the mall to buy clothes and underwear.

***

shopping for undies, i had a hard time. was debating with myself if i should already go for the maternity stuff or go for the large size of the regular stuff. i'm not that big yet, and it's gonna take awhile before i get big. i opt for the large size of the regular stuff.

***

thought it would be fun to already start talking to the embryo and, furthermore, start calling it Baby.

***

Oh Baby, look at how Mommy's grown so fat. Her boobs are scary. Look at them staring back at Mommy from the mirrors. Hahaha.

i'm getting very self-conscious with my boobs.

***

at 5 pm, the hunger pangs start again. My, Baby, you are a very hungry little creature. We only had lunch just a little over 3 hours ago!

have frequent little meals, i remember the doc saying.

the pangs promptly quieten as i take my first spoonful.

had dinner at pollo loco at 5:05 pm.

Positive!

bought two test strips, to make sure. but there they were--2 distinctive purple bands! will save the other strip, in case the doc wants me to retake the test.

texted my friends to get their ob gyne's numbers. got two contact numbers--dr. vergara's and dr. alog's. only dr. vergara responded, but the earliest, though, i could get a check-up with her was on friday, unless i drive all the way to makati or manila where she holds clinic from monday to thursday. but i can't wait that long! so i had to search my stuff for my old ob gyne's contact details--dr. alfiler is really good and i really like her of all the ob gynes i've had, but i'd not wanted to go to her because i didn't like her secretary. well, anyway, i thought i could put this aside and hope she'd already changed her secretary. it's been a year, after all.

sadly, it was still her old secretary. but she didn't sound all that bad, and she even said she remembers me (maybe because that last time i saw her, i got quite an earful from her for not going to the specialist as dr. alfiler prescribed).

***

yup. the two bands are still there.

***

2 bands. purple. check.

Fooling around with make-up

" What's the point? It'd still be me--only in color."
--Barbra Streisand as Rose Morgan in The Mirror has Two Faces.

Experimented with some shimmery make-up--all from Bloom (which i bought from Beauty Bar for the lovely packaging), from loose powder to pressed powder to eyeshadow to lipstick. Then, I remembered I didn't have any eyeliner, because I had gotten rid of old makeup when I was packing my stuff to move to my new apartment. So, did I look any different? Maybe not so much. Only shinier. For the before and after pics, go to my photoblog.

Not my forte.

Tried painting yesterday. Had this concept in my head I wanted to try out so I can finally complete my reqs for FA 236--10 pcs. 4x4 ft paintings. Daunting!

Sadly, my first attempts didn't work. They failed, miserably. And I only came to terms with it after I've finished 1 can of metallic red aerosol paint on two 1x1's. (This project's SO expensive.) Good thing I am still way ahead of sked. But I really, really want for this to work, and soon, because: 1) I gave my word of honor to Prof Vinluan, 2) I can hardly wait to hold my first one-woman show and invite all my friends--old and new (like it's my wedding all over again!), 3) I only have the summer vacation to work on this, and 4) our living room wall is still bare and I'd promised A one of the 4x4's.

But A--ever the darling--said they didn't look too bad, when he saw the two studies when he got home last evening. That gave me hope.

So tomorrow I will have to go back to the hardware (and perhaps National) and do more research. It's a good thing I still have 14 more pieces of 1x1's to experiment with.

And I suppose I can still salvage my 2 experiments yesterday. Will look for some gold acrylic paint. That might do the trick.