Surreal.
there i was, after the appointment with dr. alfiler, still taking in the unreality of it all. thought i would text A, to inform him that i was fine (was rather disappointed he'd not thought of texting me himself) and that he will have to come with me on the next appointment. he texted back, and he said he was happy (happy?) and he told me to take care of myself (okay.).
it was so anticlimactic. i didn't know how to react. i began to miss my husband. at least four women back in the clinic had their husbands with them. wish A'd gone with me. but i was the one who didn't want him to go, in the first place.
what if it turns out to be a dud?
had lunch in a pasta place in front of UA&P, all the other places were crowded and i was unsure of what i can eat and what i felt like eating. i ruled out rufo's because of the fat and the possible sodium nitrate in the tapa, henlin because of the msg, inasal sa dalan because of the carcinogens in the barbecued chicken, and all the rest because they simply seemed uninteresting. the choice narrowed down to the pasta place not because i felt like having pasta--i did not feel like eating anything but i felt really hungry--but only because only two of the tables were occupied. i thought i might give them business.
as i sat in the restaurant waiting for my pasta putanesca, i texted A some more. i figured he might have been busy driving. but he would answer only in very short, economical messages, and mostly it was to tell me to take care of myself (of course!). i asked him if we should start telling people already, and he said it might just be too early yet, better to wait for the ultrasound. i agreed, and then i was just overcome with the need to hear his voice, so i finally called him.
he sounded distracted. i asked, where are you, and he said he was at mang danny's ( a carinderia in project 4), having lunch. oh, i said. it figures. talk to you later, then , i said, then hung up.
my tummy began having these little spasms again. it was like i was having my ovulation mittelsmerch all over instead of just in one place. i rubbed my palm on my tummy to soothe the pain and perhaps, somehow, to assure the embryo that the food was already coming. no wonder pregnant women alsways did that. i realized it really seemed natural and inevitable that one will do that.
***
as i reach my car in the parking lot, my phone rings. it's A. he delivers this long speech how he'd worried about me all morning and how he loves me so much. of course, he'll go with me on the next appointment, in fact he'd wondered if he should have gone that morning. but i reminded him, just to reassure him, that i didn't want him to go, and that it was my decision to go alone. i told him i was alright, and of course i will take very good care of myself and the baby. told him, too, i was going to go to the mall to buy clothes and underwear.
***
shopping for undies, i had a hard time. was debating with myself if i should already go for the maternity stuff or go for the large size of the regular stuff. i'm not that big yet, and it's gonna take awhile before i get big. i opt for the large size of the regular stuff.
***
thought it would be fun to already start talking to the embryo and, furthermore, start calling it Baby.
***
Oh Baby, look at how Mommy's grown so fat. Her boobs are scary. Look at them staring back at Mommy from the mirrors. Hahaha.
i'm getting very self-conscious with my boobs.
***
at 5 pm, the hunger pangs start again. My, Baby, you are a very hungry little creature. We only had lunch just a little over 3 hours ago!
have frequent little meals, i remember the doc saying.
the pangs promptly quieten as i take my first spoonful.
had dinner at pollo loco at 5:05 pm.
it was so anticlimactic. i didn't know how to react. i began to miss my husband. at least four women back in the clinic had their husbands with them. wish A'd gone with me. but i was the one who didn't want him to go, in the first place.
what if it turns out to be a dud?
had lunch in a pasta place in front of UA&P, all the other places were crowded and i was unsure of what i can eat and what i felt like eating. i ruled out rufo's because of the fat and the possible sodium nitrate in the tapa, henlin because of the msg, inasal sa dalan because of the carcinogens in the barbecued chicken, and all the rest because they simply seemed uninteresting. the choice narrowed down to the pasta place not because i felt like having pasta--i did not feel like eating anything but i felt really hungry--but only because only two of the tables were occupied. i thought i might give them business.
as i sat in the restaurant waiting for my pasta putanesca, i texted A some more. i figured he might have been busy driving. but he would answer only in very short, economical messages, and mostly it was to tell me to take care of myself (of course!). i asked him if we should start telling people already, and he said it might just be too early yet, better to wait for the ultrasound. i agreed, and then i was just overcome with the need to hear his voice, so i finally called him.
he sounded distracted. i asked, where are you, and he said he was at mang danny's ( a carinderia in project 4), having lunch. oh, i said. it figures. talk to you later, then , i said, then hung up.
my tummy began having these little spasms again. it was like i was having my ovulation mittelsmerch all over instead of just in one place. i rubbed my palm on my tummy to soothe the pain and perhaps, somehow, to assure the embryo that the food was already coming. no wonder pregnant women alsways did that. i realized it really seemed natural and inevitable that one will do that.
***
as i reach my car in the parking lot, my phone rings. it's A. he delivers this long speech how he'd worried about me all morning and how he loves me so much. of course, he'll go with me on the next appointment, in fact he'd wondered if he should have gone that morning. but i reminded him, just to reassure him, that i didn't want him to go, and that it was my decision to go alone. i told him i was alright, and of course i will take very good care of myself and the baby. told him, too, i was going to go to the mall to buy clothes and underwear.
***
shopping for undies, i had a hard time. was debating with myself if i should already go for the maternity stuff or go for the large size of the regular stuff. i'm not that big yet, and it's gonna take awhile before i get big. i opt for the large size of the regular stuff.
***
thought it would be fun to already start talking to the embryo and, furthermore, start calling it Baby.
***
Oh Baby, look at how Mommy's grown so fat. Her boobs are scary. Look at them staring back at Mommy from the mirrors. Hahaha.
i'm getting very self-conscious with my boobs.
***
at 5 pm, the hunger pangs start again. My, Baby, you are a very hungry little creature. We only had lunch just a little over 3 hours ago!
have frequent little meals, i remember the doc saying.
the pangs promptly quieten as i take my first spoonful.
had dinner at pollo loco at 5:05 pm.
posted by may at 8:36 PM
2 Comments:
OOOOOOOOH! congratulations! am so happy for you guys. yes, buy the larger size of the normal clothes first. you can use them after you give birth, unless you're like the lucky few who just snap back into shape afterwards ;)
thanks, sandygirl. alcuin and i are still floating on a cloud, and it's been so great. this morning we finally got to see our little blastocyst--or is it already an embryo, i'm not sure--in ultrasound--it's only 3 mm. long. teased alcuin it already looks like him. then i had lunch with my parents and i showed them their second grandchild's first photo.the doc estimated it's 5 weeks 6 days old. two weeks from now i will have another ultrasound, and by then, it should already be 17 mm. long and we will already be able to detect a heartbeat.
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